Soft Jazz & Scented Candles: We Need To Talk About The Sask Party HQ Vandal.

This video has bugged me since the day it was released:

Sure, for the obvious reason – vandalism is stupid.

But last night, talking with some Sask Party-faithful friends, I learned I wasn’t the only one who thought it was a tad shady for other reasons, which emboldened me to share those reasons here.

So humor me for a few minutes, and let’s look at this again.

I think it’s fair to say that Said Jackwagon is well aware of the video camera recording his (and yes, I am firmly convinced it’s a man, so we’re going with that) dastardly deed.

It was +17C in Regina on March 5th, so his hood isn’t protecting his ears from frostbite.

He had to have known about the camera, because if he didn’t, don’t you think he would have driven to the scene of the crime?

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If I’m the criminal mastermind behind this caper, pretty sure I’m pulling up right in front of that window, showing that window who’s boss, and then racing back to my vehicle and screeching down Rochdale in a blaze of gravelly, rebellious, socialist glory.

But no, Said Jackwagon was either a) just out for an evening stroll with a can of spray paint and stumbled upon the Sask Party office; or b) parked away from the building, because he knew there was a camera out front and someone would recognize his vehicle.

So, Said Jackwagon knows about the camera.

Explain to me, then, why he wouldn’t choose this window?

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No, he picks the window closest to the camera, and knowing the camera is there, still chooses to walk past it both ways

Because only a dumb criminal would do that, right? So he’d better do it.

Though his face is masked just enough that the Sask Party’s (sh*tty, grainy) surveillance camera doesn’t get him.

And speaking of which – why the window?

If I hate the Sask Party sooooooooo much that I’m going to take the time and energy to share how I feel about them, in the middle of the night, across the front of their building…

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…I’m probably writing it across the brick.

That space is closer to the edge of the building.

It’s a wider canvas upon which to express myself.

Because I’m a vandal, so obviously I’m also an assh*le.

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And assh*les know that cleaning paint off brick is an absolute nightmare.

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Especially compared to cleaning paint off glass.

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Said Jackwagon goes to all this trouble, but chooses the easy-breezy-to-clean window, instead of the brick exterior?

In fact, he’s so considerate that he carefully stops short of getting any paint on the brick, smushing his last letter into the windowsill?

Maybe there’s some kind of unspoken political-vandalism etiquette I don’t know about.

And then finally, there’s the publicity.

I can think of pretty much a billion other words a radical lefty-rebel could have spraypainted on that window.

Words that are less… quaint.

Words that couldn’t have appeared in the pictures the Sask Party Tweeted when they somberly announced that they were the latest victim of a NDP hate crime.

Words and pictures that wouldn’t have made it onto the 6 oclock news, reinforcing to 60 per cent of the province (aka the Sask Party’s base) right before an election that the NDP is a party comprised of malicious petty criminals so everyone would know that sometimes the NDP people do bad things to good people.

And so anyone who knows anyDipperthing about this NDP crime could immediately call Regina Police, who I’m sure have absolutely nothing better to do than chase down this juvenile horsesh*t.

Anyway, if I’m the Sask Party, I’m having a look around at my friends.

My portly, lefthanded, male friends.

As I do, I’m asking myself, “Is this really who we are?”

Brad Wall (who, if my theory is correct, I can promise and guarantee wouldn’t have known a thing about it and still doesn’t) might read this and chuckle at one of his hack’s rogue strategy, or at my wild imagination.

I can’t even condemn this from a politically-strategic perspective, because did it not set the tone for the entire campaign?

It totally did.

I hope, though, that Wall is moreso remembering that, if my theory is correct, this stunt isn’t reflective of the party he led to power in 2007.

But what do I know.

(“Not much.” – Probably everyone reading this.)

Thanks for humoring me.

I’m off to relax, unwind, and clean some paint off glass.

(Update – upon hitting the Post button, it literally took under 5 minutes for one of my more hardcore SP friends to send me a message advising me that I’m overthinking this. I’m well aware of that fact – and I’m okay with it.)

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6 comments

  1. Your stuff is first rate. I wish I had stumbled upon it earlier during the campaign. But I’ll settle for the post-election analysis

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  2. Why is it ThemeParks can capture perfect shots of us on rides at 100kmp but expensive SecurityCo shots of perps are so grainy?

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  3. What stood out to myself was that it does not look possible for the guy to fully spray paint the word ‘Crook’. Was there more to the tape where he came back?

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    • The abrupt stop has bugged me since the day it was released. What TA said has also bothered me greatly. He clearly didn’t write the full word “Crook” based on his arm motions (maybe 2 letters). So…why would he do multiple passes? Where is the rest of the video?

      I suppose if someone knew the camera was there and was trying to get the best shot…but wasn’t able to to revandalize the premises…it would makes sense to do it a couple letters at a time (a couple of takes) and pick the best camera angle.

      Was the full tape turned over to the police for their investigation? Did the Party selflessly tell the men in blue to not worry about an investigation- and to focus on more serious crimes? Where is the rest of the tape …maybe it would help the public identify this scoundrel.

      So many questions over a rather trivial matter.

      Like

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